EFFECTIVE

CONFLICT

RESOLUTION

SECTION ONE:

GETTING

STARTED

This course will

demonstrate the six-step

process to resolve

conflicts of any size. You

will also learn crucial

conflict resolution skills,

including dealing with

anger and using the

Agreement Frame.

PRE-ASSIGNMENT

REVIEW

Conflict is always negative.

Conflict is always violent.

Conflict is inevitable.

Anyone can experience

conflict.

WORKSHOP

OBJECTIVES

• Be able to use basic communication tools, such as the agreement frame and open questions.

• Be able to break out parts of the process and use those tools to prevent conflict.

• Be able to adapt the process for all types of conflicts.

• Understand the five main styles of conflict resolution.

Understand

• Understand all six phases of the conflict resolution process.

Understand

• Understand what conflict and effective conflict resolution means.

Understand

• By the end of this workshop, participants will be able to:

SECTION TWO:

INTRODUCTION TO

CONFLICT

RESOLUTION

 People often assume that

conflict is always negative.

This is not true!

 People are inherently

different, and conflict

simply happens when

those differences come to

light.

 With a conflict resolution

process, people can

explore and understand

those differences, and use

them to interact in a more

positive, productive way.

CONFLICT,

WHAT IS IT?

Let’s start by firstly

defining the true definition

of the word “Conflict.”

“to come into collision or

disagreement; be

contradictory, at variance,

or in opposition; clash.”

CONFLICT,

WHAT IS IT?

Conflict can also be

healthy.

 Two companies vie for

the top market share

of a product

 Several sales teams

work to get first place

 Six hockey teams work

towards winning a

championship

WHAT IS EFFECTIVE

CONFLICT

RESOLUTION?

The term “effective

conflict resolution”

simply means how you

solve conflicts in a way

that satisfies both

parties.

Common conflict

resolution terms

include:

 Mediation

 Mediator

 Dispute

 Apparent

Conflict

 Hidden Conflict

 Destructive

Conflict

 Constructive

Conflict

UNDERSTANDING

THE EFFECTIVE

CONFLICT

RESOLUTION

PROCESS

SECTION THREE: EFFECTIVE

CONFLICT RESOLUTION STYLES

 There are five widely accepted

styles of resolving conflicts.

 These were originally developed

by Kenneth Thomas and Ralph

Kilmann in the 1970’s.

 Understanding all five styles and

knowing when to use them is an

important part of successful

conflict resolution.

COLLABORATING

This style is appropriate when:

• The situation is not

urgent

• An important

decision needs to

be made

• The conflict

involves many

people, or people

across different

teams

• Previous conflict

resolution attempts

have failed

This style is not appropriate

when:

• A decision needs

to be made

urgently

• The matter is trivial

to all involved

COMPETING

This style is appropriate when:

• A decision needs to be

made quickly (i.e.,

emergencies)

• An unpopular decision

needs to be made

• Someone is trying to take

advantage of a situation

This style is not appropriate

when:

• People are feeling

sensitive about the conflict

• The situation is not urgent

COMPROMISING

 This style is appropriate

when:

 A decision needs to

be made sooner

rather than later.

 Resolving the conflict

is more important than

having each

individual “win”.

 Power between

people in the conflict

is equal.

 This style is not appropriate

when:

 A wide variety of

important needs must

be met.

 The situation is

extremely urgent.

 One person holds

more power than

another.

ACCOMMODATING

 This style is appropriate

when:

 Maintaining the

relationship is more

important than

winning.

 The issue at hand is

very important to the

other person but is

not important to you.

 This style is not appropriate

when:

 The issue is important

to you.

 Accommodating will

not permanently

solve the problem.

AVOIDING

 This style is appropriate

when:

 The issue is trivial.

 The conflict will

resolve itself soon.

 This style is not appropriate

when:

 The issue is important

to you.

 The conflict will

continue or get

worse without

attention.

SECTION FOUR: CREATING AN

COMMUNICATIVE

ATMOSPHERE

Creating a communicative atmosphere is a very

important step in the effective conflict resolution

process. The people involved in the conflict will typically

be negative. With emotions like anger, frustration, and

disappointment being only a few roadblocks you will

have to contend with.

DEFUSE EMOTIONS

Key steps for the people in conflict include:

• Accept that you have negative feelings and that these

feelings are normal.

• Acknowledge the feelings and their root causes. Example:

“I feel very angry that Marie never offers to make the tea.”

• Identify how you might resolve your feelings. Example: “If

Marie would offer to make the tea occasionally instead

waiting for me to make it.”

SETTING GROUND

RULES

 Ground rules provide a

framework to resolve a

conflict.

 Ground rules should be

set at the beginning of

any conflict resolution

process. They can be

very brief or very

detailed – whatever the

situation requires.

 Ground rules should be:

 Developed and

agreed upon by

both parties

 Positive when

possible

 Fair to both parties

 Enforceable

 Adjustable

 Written and posted

CHOOSING THE

TIME AND PLACE

 When possible, choose a

quiet place to discuss

the conflict.

 Make sure that there is

lots of time allowed.

 Minimize distractions if

possible.

 If you are mediating a

conflict resolution

meeting, be conscious

of the needs of both

parties when scheduling

the meeting, and follow

the tips listed above.

SECTION FIVE:

MUTUAL

UNDERSTANDING

This model of win-win

situations and mutual gain is

our preferred outcome for

any conflict.

In this module, we will

explore how creating

mutual understanding can

lay the groundwork for a

win-win solution.

WHAT DO I

WANT?

 To begin, identify what you

personally want out of the

conflict. Try to state this

positively.

 You can create two versions

of your personal needs

statement: your ideal

resolution and your realistic

resolution.

 Or, you could frame your

statement into several steps

if the conflict is complicated.

WHAT DO THEY

WANT?

Ø These framing questions

will help you start the

process.

Ø What does my

opponent need?

Ø What does my

opponent want?

Ø What is most

important to them?

Ø What is least

important to them?

WHAT

DO WE

WANT?

SAM JANE

WANTS

To have at least two

line manager

shifts per week, as

the extra money

is useful.

To have at least two

line manager shifts

per week.

To leave by 5 p.m. on

Fridays.

NEEDS

To leave by 5 p.m. on

Mondays and

Wednesdays to

pick up his

children.

To ensure that the

line manager

position is

covered by

someone from

Monday to

Friday, 8:30 a.m.

to 5:30 p.m.

Not to have more

than three line

manager shifts per

week as it will

require him to pay

extra taxes.

To ensure that the line

manager position

is covered by

someone from

Monday to Friday,

8:30 a.m. to 5:30

p.m.

SECTION SIX:

FOCUSING ON

INDIVIDUAL AND

SHARED NEEDS

This module will look at

some techniques for

building common

ground, and how to use

common ground to

create a partnership.

IDENTIFY COMMON

GROUND

Ø From an emotional

perspective finding common

ground between you and

the other party, or you and

the disputing parties (if you

are acting as a mediator)

will enable the two parties to

see each other as people

again, rather than the

enemy.

Ø Some examples:

Ø “I think the company

needs a more unified sales

team, too.”

Ø “I would really like us to

win first place this year,

too.”

Ø “I agree that we can get

this conflict resolved and

build a better widget.”

Ø “I would like to take my

family on a special holiday

this year, too.”

BUILD POSITIVE

ENERGY AND

GOODWILL

 Have a good attitude.

Frame things positively.

 Create actionable items.

 Try to keep emotions out of

your statements.

 Take a break when you

need it.

 If you say, “I see where

you’re coming from,” make

sure you mean it. If you

can’t see where they are

coming from, ask them to

tell you more.

 Invite the other person to

step into your shoes. Tell

them a story, outline

consequences, and explain

how you feel in an

objective manner.

 Share as much information

as you can.

STRENGTHEN

YOUR

PARTNERSHIP

STAGE EXPLANATION WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP

FORMING

Team members are just

meeting; unsure of their role

and themselves.

Encourage team building through

non-conflict laden tasks and

activities.

Involve the team in task planning

and goal setting.

STORMING

Team members discover

differences and butt heads;

conflict can interfere with

progress.

Continue with the plan; evaluate

and adjust as necessary.

Support the team through conflict

and help them resolve it.

NORMING

Team members start to

discover similarities too.

Performance typically

improves, but social interaction

may also cause it to drop.

Keep the group focused on the

goal; encourage social activities

outside of team time.

PERFORMING

Team members are now

comfortable with each other

and work together well.

Continue to offer resources and

support to the team. Monitor

performance, as teams can

change stages at any time

(particularly when members join in

or drop out).

SECTION SEVEN:

ANALYSING TO

THE ROOT CAUSE

In this module, we will learn

how to delve below the

current conflict to the root

of the problem. This phase is

important for long-term

resolution, rather than a

band-aid solution.

EXAMINING

ROOT CAUSES

It is important at this stage

to look at the root causes of

the conflict.

One way to do this is

through simple discussions

with the parties. This involves

continuously asking the

question, “Why?” to get to

the root of the problem.

CREATING A CAUSE AND EFFECT

DIAGRAM

1. To start, draw a horizontal arrow pointing to the right on a

large sheet of paper. At the end of the arrow, write down the

problem.

CREATING A

CAUSE AND

EFFECT DIAGRAM

2. Now, work together to list

possible causes. Group

these causes. Draw a line

pointing to the large

arrow for each cause

and write the cause at

the top.

CREATING

A CAUSE

AND

EFFECT

DIAGRAM

Now, write each cause on

a line pointing to the group

arrow. (Sticky notes work

well for this.)

CREATING A

CAUSE AND

EFFECT

DIAGRAM

Now the people in the

conflict have a clear map of

what is happening.

IDENTIFYING THE

BENEFITS OF

RESOLUTION

 Effective conflict

resolution digs deep into

the issues to resolve the

core conflict and

prevent the problem

from reoccurring.

 However, this can be

time-consuming and

emotionally difficult.

 You and the person that

you are in conflict with

may arrive at a point

where you wonder, “Is

this really worth it?”

SECTION EIGHT: CREATE OPTIONS

This stage is all about quantity, not quality; you want

as many options to choose from as possible.

GENERATE, DON’T EVALUATE

To begin, generate ideas

for resolving the

symptoms of the conflict.

Then, move on to the root

cause and expand your

list of ideas.

Don’t be afraid to throw

out wacky ideas or to ask,

“What if?” Remember,

this stage is about

identifying what you can

do, not what you will do.

It is very important not to

censor yourself or the

person that you are in

conflict with.

Record all possible ideas

into a list or brainstorming

diagram.

If you have created a

cause and effect

diagram, you can record

ideas for resolution right

on the diagram.

ANALYZING

WANTS AND

NEEDS

Wants and needs seem like a fundamental

aspect of defining the problem.

In order to analyze the potential solutions,

the wants and needs for the desired state

after the problem is solved must be very

clear

Needs are items the potential solution

absolutely must meet.

Wants are nice to have items.

CREATING MUTUAL

GAIN OPTIONS AND

MULTIPLE OPTION

SOLUTIONS

Ø Once you have a good list

of options, review the list

and perform some basic

evaluation.

Ø Highlight options that

provide gains for both

parties.

Ø Look for options that can

be combined for an

optimal solution.

Ø Cross off options that are

an absolute no-go for

either party.

Ø Make options more

detailed where

appropriate.

Ø Continue brainstorming

and generating ideas

DIGGING

DEEPER INTO

YOUR OPTIONS

Once the list has been

narrowed down it’s time to

delve deeper into each

option. Identify:

Ø The effort for each option

(perhaps on a scale of one

to ten)

Ø The payback for each

option (also on a scale of

one to ten)

Ø Your estimation as to its

likelihood of success

Ø Other options that could

be used to complement it

Ø Each party’s preference for

it (expressed as yes/no, or

a percentage in favour)

SECTION NINE:

SOLUTION

BUILDING

Now we have a list of all the

possible solutions, it’s time to

move on to choosing a one

and laying the groundwork for

a resolution. This module will

explore how to create criteria

and how to use those criteria to

create a shortlist of options, and

then to move on to a solution.

CREATING

CRITERIA

 Try not to think about the

different options as you

create the criteria. Focus

instead on the wants and

needs of both parties.

 Criteria should explore what

you want and do not want

from the solution.

 You can also prioritize your

criteria by what is necessary

to have and what you

would like to have (also

known as needs and wants).

Identify any items you would

be willing to compromise on.

CRITERIA WANT? NEED? SHARED WITH

OPPONENT?

COMPROMISE ON?

CREATING A

SHORTLIST

 Once the criteria have

been created, bring out

the list of solutions.

 Eliminate any solutions

that do not match the

must-have criteria that

you and your partner

identified.

 At the end of this

process, you should

have a small,

manageable list of

potential solutions.

CHOOSING A

SOLUTION

 Now, choose a final

solution. Remember, you

can often combine

multiple options for even

greater success!

 Here is a checklist to

evaluate the chosen

solution.

 Is it a win-win

solution for

everyone

involved?

 Are all needs

provided for?

 Are all criteria

met?

BUILDING A

PLAN

 Now, let’s create a plan to

put the solution in action.

The complexity of this plan

should vary with the

complexity of the situation.

 For more complex

situations, such as those

involving a group of

people or multiple option

solutions, a detailed

action plan may be

appropriate.

 It is important that each

party take responsibility for

implementing the solution,

even if it is determined

that one party is at fault.

 The action plan should

also include a list of things

to do if the conflict is not

resolved after

implementing the solution.

SECTION TEN: ADDITIONAL

TOOLS

To wrap up this workshop, we would like to

share some additional tools that can help you

resolve conflicts.

STRESS & ANGER

MANAGEMENT

TECHNIQUES

 Deep breathing has

beneficial mental and

physical effects.

 Coping thoughts can help

you stay calm, too.

 Make sure to take breaks as

needed. If the person you

conflict with becomes

emotional or stressed,

encourage them to take

breaks as well.

 After the conflict is over, talk

about it with someone

appropriate.

ANGER

MANAGEMENT

TECHNIQUES

 Deep breathing

 Coping thoughts can help

you stay calm

 Make sure to take breaks as

needed

 After the conflict is over, talk

about it with someone

appropriate

THE AGREEMENT

FRAME

Ø The Agreement Frame

takes one of three forms:

Ø I appreciate,

and…

Ø I respect, and…

Ø I agree, and…

Ø Remember, the words

“but” and “however”

are conversation-

stoppers. Try to avoid

using them with the

agreement frame.

PERSON A PERSON B

The best way to

resolve this conflict is

for you to resign your

position immediately.

I respect your opinion, and I

think that there might be

some other viable options.

What options were you

considering?

I think that if I issued an

apology to the team for the

misunderstanding that we

would be on our way to

resolving the conflict.

I think that option is

too low-key for this

situation.

I agree that it might not be

a strong enough statement,

and I may need to have

team meetings to address

the underlying issues.

ASKING OPEN QUESTIONS

When possible, use the five W’s or the H to ask a

question.

– Who?

– What?

– Where?

– When?

– Why?

– How?

ASKING OPEN QUESTIONS

 Some useful questions for conflict resolution include:

 What happened?

 Why do you feel that way?

 When did this problem start?

 How does that make you feel?

 Who else is involved?

SECTION ELEVEN: WRAPPING UP

Words from the Wise

• WILLIAM ELLERY CHANNING: Difficulties are meant to

rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to

grow strong by conflict.

• M. ESTHER HARDING: Conflict is the beginning of

consciousness.

• CARL W. BUECHNER: They may forget what you

said, but they will never forget how you made

them feel.